homesick

I feel sad today. I miss my family and my friends. I want to go home. I don’t know what I’m doing here. I get so lonely. I shouldn’t have come here. I wanted to stay close to Sawyer, and then when we broke up I had already made a commitment to live with Kaitlin and it wouldn’t have been fair to leave her hanging on such short notice. I thought this was going to be an adventure. I thought I would have fun and make a lot of friends. I haven’t really made any friends and I feel like a burden to the ones I do have. I guess this is going to be a growing and learning experience for me though if nothing else. I do really appreciate my family now. I want to go home. I don’t think Sawyer really wants to even be friends and I’m really giving up hope that he will ever love me again. It’s just so hard because we never talked about why we broke up. I don’t have any closure and I miss him. I miss my old life. I pretend to like being here but I don’t. It sucks. I’ve never felt this alone before in my life. I just want things to go back to the way they were.

“you don’t even love me”

My roommate and her boyfriend constantly joke/nag that the other doesn’t love them enough or if they loved them they would do blah blah blah. I know they don’t really mean it but it sucks because when they say, “you don’t even love me” they are taking lightly something that hurts so much. I’m the one that loves someone who actually doesn’t love me back. They don’t get it.