halloween weekend

I went home for a surprise Halloween visit and I had such a great time! I really miss my family and being with my friends, which basically means Riana and Reuben. I’m not staying here next year. I want to move back home. I’m upset that I moved here. I saw that Sawyer has started seeing another girl which isn’t so bad except that he picked basically the biggest “fuck you” he ever could have picked. I’m extremely upset about that but I guess its good because what he did is so messed up I don’t ever want him back.
It’s almost my birthday. Like the rest of this year it’s probably going to be the shittiest one yet. It’s really weird to think about being twenty. I don’t feel that old. Christine said that if I moved back home we could get a house together. I think I would really like that. She’s such a good sister. We would have a fun time I think. I shouldn’t have gone home because now I’m so unhappy here. But I have a second date on Saturday which is nice I guess. Hopefully that isn’t so bad.
But for now I’m going to stop listening to sad music and try to go to sleep because I have to be up early for work. Fun as always,

homesick

I feel sad today. I miss my family and my friends. I want to go home. I don’t know what I’m doing here. I get so lonely. I shouldn’t have come here. I wanted to stay close to Sawyer, and then when we broke up I had already made a commitment to live with Kaitlin and it wouldn’t have been fair to leave her hanging on such short notice. I thought this was going to be an adventure. I thought I would have fun and make a lot of friends. I haven’t really made any friends and I feel like a burden to the ones I do have. I guess this is going to be a growing and learning experience for me though if nothing else. I do really appreciate my family now. I want to go home. I don’t think Sawyer really wants to even be friends and I’m really giving up hope that he will ever love me again. It’s just so hard because we never talked about why we broke up. I don’t have any closure and I miss him. I miss my old life. I pretend to like being here but I don’t. It sucks. I’ve never felt this alone before in my life. I just want things to go back to the way they were.